Since people use interpersonal relations to develop who they are as a person, I figure I'd throw out some tips that everyone should be aware of before idealizing someone.
Note: If I had this guide at 18 I wouldn't have sucked at life for so long.
1. Pick someone successful
Pick someone successful to model yourself after.
If you're in high school, DON'T pick someone 'socially' successful because the people who "win" the social statuses in high school end up losing in life.
Take it from those who have been there and done that - The studly quarterback on the varsity football team is the future greasy overweight UPS Delivery Driver of your home town.*
Don't go strictly on a 'pro hominem' basis when deciding who to appreciate. Use logic and decide which traits are the strongest or most appealing.
Take what you like, reject what you don't. One person may be a good person to model when it comes to how they treat their peers, but the same person could go home and beat their kids for all you know.
*Over generalization - obviously not always the case.
2. Do NOT be ad populum.
Be skeptical of the majority opinion - I've often felt that conventional thinking is deeply flawed.
For example, just because Brett Favre is appreciated by millions doesn't mean the key to true fulfillment in life is being the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers (6-1 so far this season btw).
Another example would be Britney Spears. Just because Miss Spears is experiencing incredible sales of her new album Blackout doesn't mean that the only way to sell a lot of albums is to become a psycho and the focus of every major celebrity magazine.
3. When choosing a mate, ask yourself this question
Am I better off, am I healthier, both physically and mentally, by involving myself with them?
Take a step back and analyze your behavior when you're together. Does seeing them almost invariably induce stress? Trust your physical response.
4. This is KEY: everything someone says is a statement about them
Everything.
General example: if someone has a problem with your sexual preferences and feels the need to voice it, this can be a sign of their insecurity and/or need to control their environment. Accept this for what it is, and use it to build a schematic that explains who they are as a person.
Perhaps a major influence in their life acted in this same way, and that person is insecure about their sexuality. Maybe they've had family members who relate to that sexual preference and are angry about it.
Critically analyzing this allows you to better understand the people around you, and arguably more important, what to expect from them.
5. People (actually, all primates) prefer comfort and security over truth.
It's more comfortable for some to accept that the American Government, being one of the last superpowers in existence, is responsible for the death of thousands on September 11th than it is to accept that a couple dozen members of a disgruntled societal group are.
This also ties into my final point,
6. People like simplicity.
Simplicity means if the equation is big, there must be a big cause.
Exhibit A: 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists.
Exhibit B: I'm a big deal. There must be some anthropomorphic entity that made me who I am and cares about the intricate details of my every day activities! (i.e. Religion)
Closing Tips
Develop relations in person. Have real, inciteful debating through text. This will prevent you from developing problems with the people around you.
I've found that the internet is a useful tool for debate. In my opinion, the Internet is truly an evolution of interpersonal communication. Some of the most honest and personal conversations I've had have been with people I've never met.
Many have said that math is the language of the universe and thus, everything is math. Use scientific evidence in addition to your experiences to form your own conclusions.
Understanding these principles should help you on your way to becoming a secure individual.
Good luck.
Note: If I had this guide at 18 I wouldn't have sucked at life for so long.
1. Pick someone successful
Pick someone successful to model yourself after.
If you're in high school, DON'T pick someone 'socially' successful because the people who "win" the social statuses in high school end up losing in life.
Take it from those who have been there and done that - The studly quarterback on the varsity football team is the future greasy overweight UPS Delivery Driver of your home town.*
Don't go strictly on a 'pro hominem' basis when deciding who to appreciate. Use logic and decide which traits are the strongest or most appealing.
Take what you like, reject what you don't. One person may be a good person to model when it comes to how they treat their peers, but the same person could go home and beat their kids for all you know.
*Over generalization - obviously not always the case.
2. Do NOT be ad populum.
Be skeptical of the majority opinion - I've often felt that conventional thinking is deeply flawed.
For example, just because Brett Favre is appreciated by millions doesn't mean the key to true fulfillment in life is being the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers (6-1 so far this season btw).
Another example would be Britney Spears. Just because Miss Spears is experiencing incredible sales of her new album Blackout doesn't mean that the only way to sell a lot of albums is to become a psycho and the focus of every major celebrity magazine.
3. When choosing a mate, ask yourself this question
Am I better off, am I healthier, both physically and mentally, by involving myself with them?
Take a step back and analyze your behavior when you're together. Does seeing them almost invariably induce stress? Trust your physical response.
4. This is KEY: everything someone says is a statement about them
Everything.
General example: if someone has a problem with your sexual preferences and feels the need to voice it, this can be a sign of their insecurity and/or need to control their environment. Accept this for what it is, and use it to build a schematic that explains who they are as a person.
Perhaps a major influence in their life acted in this same way, and that person is insecure about their sexuality. Maybe they've had family members who relate to that sexual preference and are angry about it.
Critically analyzing this allows you to better understand the people around you, and arguably more important, what to expect from them.
5. People (actually, all primates) prefer comfort and security over truth.
It's more comfortable for some to accept that the American Government, being one of the last superpowers in existence, is responsible for the death of thousands on September 11th than it is to accept that a couple dozen members of a disgruntled societal group are.
This also ties into my final point,
6. People like simplicity.
Simplicity means if the equation is big, there must be a big cause.
Exhibit A: 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists.
Exhibit B: I'm a big deal. There must be some anthropomorphic entity that made me who I am and cares about the intricate details of my every day activities! (i.e. Religion)
Closing Tips
Develop relations in person. Have real, inciteful debating through text. This will prevent you from developing problems with the people around you.
I've found that the internet is a useful tool for debate. In my opinion, the Internet is truly an evolution of interpersonal communication. Some of the most honest and personal conversations I've had have been with people I've never met.
Many have said that math is the language of the universe and thus, everything is math. Use scientific evidence in addition to your experiences to form your own conclusions.
Understanding these principles should help you on your way to becoming a secure individual.
Good luck.
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