American Gangster

You know what is sorely lacking in Hollywood? Gangster movies where the Gangster wins.

Unfortunately, American Gangster didn’t fill this void for me.

For those who don’t know, American Gangster is a crime film that stars Denzel Washington and the actor from Gladiator. The film is based on the rise and fall of real life gangster Frank Lucas.

In the movie, Frank Lucas follows the traditional path of a Hollywood gangster. He’s smart, ruthless, and resourceful – yet not smart, ruthless, or resourceful enough to escape the non-acting mojo that is Russell Crowe.

As the inevitable drug bust scene started to unfold, I was trying to convince myself that my man Denzel would manage to get away and somehow kill Russell Crowe’s character. Then I wouldn’t have to listen to his nails-on-a-chalkboard rendition of a New York accent any longer.

The movie was fun to watch and kept my attention. This is quite an accomplishment considering I have ADHD.

But I digress.

If I were writing the script for a movie where the drug kingpin gets away, it would be difficult for a number of reasons.

Criminals who are getting away with criminal activity aren’t telling their story. And they probably wouldn’t be open to sharing with a skinny white kid in his early 20’s.

How cool would it be if I had a true story to use?

Imagine this with me: Thousands of people driving home from the opening night of my picture. Boyfriends look to their significant other and say “You know, if I knew that all we had to do was hide the smack just past your sphincter, I would have been smuggling the horse years ago. This Geo could have been a Benz if we just got creative. I can think of a few other places that nobody would ever want to search…”

The Drug Enforcement Agency might take issue with me showing America how to get away with smuggling drugs, but they won’t be nearly as upset as the inspired movie goers telling their doctors why they need a new tube of prescription strength hemorrhoid cream 4 times a month.

I give American Gangster 7 out of 10 “Drop-In Stars”.

I give my conceptual movie that inspires crack dropings 9/10.

Bonus Drinking Game – Bring some liquor to the theatre and drink every time someone in the movie says “My man”. You’ll be fading faster than you can say “No Australian should ever attempt a New York accent”.