Understanding the personality types of others has helped me tremendously in
personal and professional relationships.
For the past 7 years I've studied psychology and social dynamics. During this time, some of the things I've learned are more helpful than others. I'm going to share what's been the most personally helpful.
In this section I'll give some insight behind questions that seem to plague EVERY relationship; whether it's a professional relationship, a friendship, or romantic relationship.
These will sound familiar to you. The first one is...
WHY can't he JUST be on time?!
The Battle Cry Of The Structuralist Party
Structuralists are roughly 50% of th population. They are very irrational in the sense that they try to structure the outside world in a way that matches what they see in their mind. They're always on time, or slightly early...TO EVERYTHING.
You might belong to the Structuralist Party if...
-You feel more comfortable AFTER making a decision rather than BEFORE.
-You take it PERSONALLY when your boyfriend is late, and unless somebody died there is no good reason.
-You think there is a RIGHT and WRONG way to do everything.
-It is more important to follow the PLAN than accomplish the GOAL. (This is a trick question, structuralists always think the goal is to follow the plan! HA!)
Nothing pisses off a structuralist MORE than dealing with a member of the Free Spirit party, who will find themselves asking...
It's not that big of a deal! Why are you so upset?!
The Response Of The Free Spirit Party
Free Spirits are also about 50% of the population. Contrary to their Structuralist counter parts, Free Spirits are usually late. They usually procrastinate, or perfer to seek more information before making a decision. A free spirit is very comfortable saying "I'm not sure yet.".
You might belong to the Free Spirit Party if...
-You're always late
-You're most gathering information BEFORE a decision
-After making a decision, it's open for review as the situation changes.
-The phrase "Call if you know you're going to be late" makes NO SENSE to you.
Chances are, you can clearly identify with either the Structuralist Party or the Free Spirit Party.
Now that we've identified which party we belong to, it's important to know how to communicate with members of the opposing party - here are some tips.
STUCTURALISTS
1. Understand
As Stephen Covey says, "Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood". This is always the first step in effective communication. Doesn't this seem incredibly counter intuitive? Why should I try to understand somebody else if they're not trying to understand me?! Well grow up. You can only control you.
Understand that Free Spirits do not see the world in black and white. They're fascinated by the shade of grey that is inbetween. You may view free spirits nature to delay decision making as avoidance, and sometimes it genuinely is, but other times this delay is an effort to make the BEST decision.
2. Buffer Time
This one is simple. If you're dating a free spirit, and the movie you're planning on going to starts at 7:30, tell them it starts at 4:00.
I'm serious.
3. Be Clear
This is the easy part for the structuralist party - Be clear about deadlines and time restrictions.
FREE SPIRITS
1. Understand
Understand that structuralists see the world in black and white. Understand that when you are brainstorming outloud, or exploring possibilities, the structuralist is hearing a never ending to do list. This is very frustrating for structuralists. Be clear about the things that are "ideas" or "options".
2. Create Pseudo Wiggle Room
If your assignment at work or school is due March 30th - CONVINCE YOURSELF IT IS DUE FEBRUARY 1st. Stick to it. Do whatever you have to do to convince yourself.
3. Your Aunt Died.
Don't give a zillion reasons about why you're late. Just say your aunt died.
For all you know I have 300 aunts. You don't know.
Next week I'm going to talk about Temperaments, the unchanging building blocks of who we are.
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