Learning / Love Styles

I'm convinced there is a connection between the way we learn, and the way we love. There are 3 basic learning styles, and 5 love languages.

The learning styles are:

1. Visual
2. Auditory
3. Tactile/Kinesthetic

The love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Touch
5. Quality Time

Identifying the way your partner learns and loves is empirically important in any relationship. For the purpose of this blog, I'm focusing on spousal relationships.

We normally don't utilize the same learning style or love language as our partner. This problem is often at the base of disagreements, arguments and frustration.

This also helps us explain how the 'honeymoon' period can fade so quickly.

For example, Gary and Louise have been dating for a few months. They decide to move in together. Makes financial sense, and plus they're soooooooo in love.

Initially, things are wonderful. Lots of time together, lots of animal kingdom type love makin, and nothing seems to upset either of them.

Some months down the road, the chemicals/hormones in the brain change. This causes behavior and perception to change. Those small problems don't seem so small. Louise is annoyed that Gary never picks up his clothes, and Gary is equally upset that Louise doesn't want to do the baby makin dance anymore.

Eventually things get so bad, Gary splits. They stop seeing each other. However, the problems don't end there. Gary and Louise are likely to experience the same problems in their next relationship. They'll be with different people with different backgrounds, baggage, genitals, and love languages, but the problem will perpetuate instead of diminish. Why?

Clearly, Gary's a slob, and that has to be dealt with. Louise sounds like a little tease, that's no good either. Beyond that, Gary didn't see a big problem leaving his undies on the floor and Louise didn't see the problem with not having sex but once a month.

It is likely that Gary best speaks the language of love through physical touch, and Louise through acts of service. Since this is my story, I'm going to say that's exactly what it was, and you'll believe me.

We often fail to recognize that the love language we speak fluently is often foreign and unfamiliar to our partners.

The best and easiest way to recognize your partners love language is to pay attention to how they show love - this is often how they prefer to receive it. Do they buy you lots of crap? Are they constantly trying to monopolize your time? Are they wanting to do the hanky panky more than 3 times a day? Do they make you feel weird with all of their compliments? Do they do your laundry without you asking?

Do you see where I'm going with this? Speak their language and get them to speak yours.

To learn more go buy the book the 5 love languages by Gary. I forget his last name, but I don't think it's the same Gary from the above story.

Next time I'll talk about learning styles and identifying them, then tie them together with the love languages in a metaphorically beautiful arrangement of text.